I get irritated at times and when I am irritated I can easily make bad choices but I don't think that I have "anger issues". I don't beat my kids, the dogs, or my wife (but I do think I would get great pleasure from providing my neighbor with a severe beating, but that is a story for another day) and I think mostly I am a pretty calm person. I wanted to make that clear because when I went back and read my first post, I realized that one could easily make the assumption that I am on the edge of a killing spree. My issues are directly related to things like crazy clients and difficult work situations; trying to survive the day-to-day challenges of family debt and finances; and dealing with my pain in the @$$ kids! My kids are the topic of today's post.
I love my kids more than anything and I think the stress that they cause me comes mostly from my desire to see them succeed and for fear that they will fail in life. This concern is mostly with my sons who are 20 and 18 years old and are at a very important time in there lives. "18" has a part time job and is going to a local community college, in my opinion the jury is still out on him. "20" is between jobs and school, he went away to college for a year and that didn't work out very well (for him, but it probably was a good thing for the local pot dealer and liquor store). My fear with him is that the jury has ruled that he is destined for a life of meaningless jobs and relationships; an occasional visit to rehab; welfare, prison, and then the morgue.
We have all heard it before, "you need to learn from your mistakes", but they won't! Isn't the definition of insanity, doing the same things over and over again but expecting different results. If this is true 20 and 18 are insane! I sometimes think they do it on purpose just to get to me, but they go out of the way to beat me down. Having sons, you eventually accept certain things, like the idea that personal hygiene is optional; that a smell (a combination of sweat, bodily excrement, sour milk, dirt, and bacon) will always come from there rooms; that plaid and polka dots match; and that clothes need to be washed after every fifth use (unless its underwear in which case you can get a complete week out them), but what I can't get my head around is that no matter how much advice I give them, they will always do the opposite thing!
I wish I could accept that the wisdom that I have gained in 45 years of existence does not apply to my sons. If I could accept this I would stop trying to help, and then I wouldn't be disappointed when they decide it's a good idea to stick there penis' in a light socket! Okay that didn't happen but it would not surprise me in the least if it did! This is how it would go:
Dad - "son don't stick your penis in that outlet because you will get shocked and it will hurt"
Son - "I do this all the time and it's fun"
Dad - "well at least make sure that you turn the switch off before you........"
Son - BZZZZZZZZ, pop snap, burn, ouch!!!!
Will they ever accept that the stupid things that they decide to do have been done before, quite possibly by me! That because I have experienced these things, I might be able to guide them towards better decisions. If I took no interest in them and was a non-involved father while they grew up, I would understand this lack of respect for me or my opinions, but I was always there to give them advice and in my heart I know they were brought up with solid values. Maybe it's just a phase and at some point a light switch will go off (and hopefully they don't have there penises in the light socket at the other end) and they will suddenly get it! I hope that I can survive until that day comes! That's all for now, see you soon.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Why, What and How of it all?
I am a forty-five year old man, married with three kids and I once weighed 536 pounds! It's funny but people talk about a weight loss journey as if it has a beginning, middle and end. My weight loss journey started when I was old enough to realize that I had to do something so that I could be healthier because I was "one thin mint" away from exploding, I know now that it will have no end and thus have no middle. I guess the moment of impending "thin mintiness" hit when I was about 24 years old. in the time since I have struggled to lose weight and be more healthy and I have often made progress only to see that progress slip away and my weight to grow.
In July of 2009 I joined Weight Watchers with my wife and for 15 months I followed the program to the letter and lost more than 150 pounds. Since then my commitment has been less than perfect and I have gone long periods of time without attending a meeting, or going to the gym, which has resulted in some weight gain, stress, low self-esteem, stress eating, etc.
There is no mystery or secret for my lack of commitment to the WW program recently. The title of my blog says it all, I get stressed out which impacts my emotions which drives me to eat (sometimes literally through a drive through restaurant). I know this, my family knows this, at times I feel like I have no control. Some of my stress comes from my family, and I know when I am stressed they get stressed. When I am stressed I eat, when they are stressed they eat, it is a nasty vicious cycle that is hard to break free from.
I am a man; I watch football; I like cars; I smoke cigars; I play golf; I don't cry (okay maybe at an occasional chick flick); and I am a rock! Hell, one time I actually pulled a splinter out of my finger with my teeth! Stress and emotion cannot possibly affect me! It was hard to admit to myself at first that I needed someones help to lose weight and to take that first trip to WW (imagine how out of place I felt on day one when I walked in and saw that I was only one of a few men, the room was full but with mostly overweight, and middle aged women). Now it's just as hard to admit that sometimes I can't control the stress and that I lean on food to help me through it.
I mentioned earlier that my family causes me stress, but they are not the only source of my angst. My job is often no fun. I have to travel a lot with a recent promotion and I generally don't like it. The economy has hurt my family and I, and at times money becomes a problem. I get stressed when it rains and I can't play golf! I get stressed when the Yankees lose! I get stressed when my favorite hair salon has run out of the mousse that I like (just kidding, there I go again channeling my inner femininity). Bottom line is that I am usually STRESSED.
I am guessing that I do not have any problems that 98% of the men in my age group with similar careers and families don't also have, but maybe I deal with it differently then the guys who I want to run over in my car when I see them jogging down my street, with there flat stomach's and single chin. So in a never ending search to understand how I can be a better and healthier me, I am looking for ways to deal. This is where this blog came from. I spoke to a health professional who made the suggestion that I journal my stress thoughts as a way to identify when I am stressed (duh, always!) and to identify what causes it (duh, kids, money, job!). Rather than journal I thought lets Blog it and share it with the world (or my short list of people who I know will actually give a $#%@). So that's it for now, there must be a ball game on! Off we go!
In July of 2009 I joined Weight Watchers with my wife and for 15 months I followed the program to the letter and lost more than 150 pounds. Since then my commitment has been less than perfect and I have gone long periods of time without attending a meeting, or going to the gym, which has resulted in some weight gain, stress, low self-esteem, stress eating, etc.
There is no mystery or secret for my lack of commitment to the WW program recently. The title of my blog says it all, I get stressed out which impacts my emotions which drives me to eat (sometimes literally through a drive through restaurant). I know this, my family knows this, at times I feel like I have no control. Some of my stress comes from my family, and I know when I am stressed they get stressed. When I am stressed I eat, when they are stressed they eat, it is a nasty vicious cycle that is hard to break free from.
I am a man; I watch football; I like cars; I smoke cigars; I play golf; I don't cry (okay maybe at an occasional chick flick); and I am a rock! Hell, one time I actually pulled a splinter out of my finger with my teeth! Stress and emotion cannot possibly affect me! It was hard to admit to myself at first that I needed someones help to lose weight and to take that first trip to WW (imagine how out of place I felt on day one when I walked in and saw that I was only one of a few men, the room was full but with mostly overweight, and middle aged women). Now it's just as hard to admit that sometimes I can't control the stress and that I lean on food to help me through it.
I mentioned earlier that my family causes me stress, but they are not the only source of my angst. My job is often no fun. I have to travel a lot with a recent promotion and I generally don't like it. The economy has hurt my family and I, and at times money becomes a problem. I get stressed when it rains and I can't play golf! I get stressed when the Yankees lose! I get stressed when my favorite hair salon has run out of the mousse that I like (just kidding, there I go again channeling my inner femininity). Bottom line is that I am usually STRESSED.
I am guessing that I do not have any problems that 98% of the men in my age group with similar careers and families don't also have, but maybe I deal with it differently then the guys who I want to run over in my car when I see them jogging down my street, with there flat stomach's and single chin. So in a never ending search to understand how I can be a better and healthier me, I am looking for ways to deal. This is where this blog came from. I spoke to a health professional who made the suggestion that I journal my stress thoughts as a way to identify when I am stressed (duh, always!) and to identify what causes it (duh, kids, money, job!). Rather than journal I thought lets Blog it and share it with the world (or my short list of people who I know will actually give a $#%@). So that's it for now, there must be a ball game on! Off we go!
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