I have to make some time to write more than one blog a month, but so much is happening with us right now and has been for the past year or so that in all frankness, I just run out of time. So if you are a faithful reader (which means that you are likely a family member), I apologize that I have not kept you up to date with more details lately about where we are and what is happening.
I think I can speak for both Kim and I when I say that regarding the challenges that we have had over the past two years with both of our sons, we are in a pretty good spot right now. As you may already know, Zachary was sworn into the U.S. Marine Reserves yesterday and he heads off to boot camp on May 7, 2012. As a parent and in light of recent news stories about soldier activities in Afghanistan, I will always be concerned for his welfare as he pursues this endeavor, but deep down I think it is the right thing for him to do in his life right now. This will certainly get him started better than anything I can do and I think he will get so much out of the structure, discipline, and opportunity. That is how I feel today, but I know when he gets deployed at some point (which is inevitable) I may think differently. Now I tell myself that Zachary is a smart kid with a good head on his shoulders. He won't be dumb enough to stick his head up out of the foxhole when the enemy is firing! But then I remember how hard it is sometimes to get him to stop and listen to direction. Will he ignore an order because he wasn't paying attention that will put him harms way? I hope basic training teaches him this focus!
Dylan on the other hand has completed his 7 weeks of rehabilitation and is now housed in a very structured sober house in Derry, New Hampshire. He got a great deal out of the rehabilitation but even he recognizes that he still struggles to identify and properly react to triggers that in the past would have led him to smoke. Dylan is still a very young 21, and he is still impetuous and reactionary. He has a lot to learn still about being an adult and making decisions that make sense and that won't get him in trouble and I think he is in the right spot now to help transition him to life without drugs.
We picked Dylan up from Rehab on March 7 and he was able to spend March 8 and 9 at home with us. To celebrate his 21st Birthday last Thursday, He and I went to the Casino to have some fun. We played video Blackjack and Poker, Texas Hold 'em, Craps, Roulette, and the slot machines until we lost all of our cash, then we went and had dinner together. After dinner we walked around together and smoked a cigar until it was time to leave. It was great night that I will cherish forever.
On Friday, Kim and I drove with Dylan to the sober house and dropped him off. Once again it was hard to hold back tears for all of us as we drove away, but this is the right thing for him right now. Initially Dylan was looking at a sober house in Norwich to move into after rehab but after some research we realized that the house he was looking at had no structure and would surely have led to some trouble for him. With help from Kristin and Carol (more about that later) we found this very structured and highly regarded program in NH and were able to get him into it quickly as a bed just happened to open-up (see my blog posting about Karma)!
The program at this house is designed in three phases and each participant has to complete each phase before moving to the next. The total program can and will likely take 6 to 8 months. In Phase I Dylan will develop a daily life structure that will include group session and individual counseling work, physical activities including daily visits to a local Gym; he will get a 12-step sponsor; and practice yoga. Other than trips to AA meetings, the Gym, and other activities that they do as a group, he will be restricted to the house.
In Phase II, with approval he is allowed to come and go as he pleases. He will continue his group and individual counseling and the focus for him will be on learning life skills, finding a job or taking classes and doing community service. In Phase III, he moves to an independent living house that is next door to the sober house and he learns self sufficiency. All the while he is sharing this experience with 30 other men who are just like he is (between the ages of 18 - 30 and fighting addiction) and the program is run completely by recovering addicts who know what he is going through. In addition to the work that he has to do to succeed in this program, they have group fun activities for him to look forward to as well including, paintball tournaments every other week, ski and camping trips, and golf trips.
Here is a link to the houses web site if you would like for information:
The Granite House
Many have offered financial support during these hard times for us as well and frankly making this all work has been a tremendous struggle. Insurance only covers a portion of the cost of rehab and an even smaller portion of the cost of the sober house program. Our out of pocket costs on average including food, are the equivalent of another small monthly mortgage that we are paying for with cash so as not to increase our debt. Additionally, Dylan has been unemployed since this summer, he has amassed a huge amount of debt of his own and he has pawned or sold all of his possessions. We have found a way to afford all the rehab bills and the sober house bills including his weekly meal plan and he is collecting unemployment compensation now that is helping to pay these bills each month but frankly it is a struggle, but I think we can make it work.
If you still want to help, Dylan needs cash for incidentals until he is gainfully employed and using his income to support his weekly living expenses. The house keeps money in an envelope, in a safe for him and they go to Walmart weekly. His meal plan covers lunch and dinner and he is expected buy foods for breakfast, beverages, snacks and health and beauty needs. He needs money at times also to pay for the extra curricular activities like camping and skiing. We will be sending him care packages periodically and including some cash that the house can use to replenish that envelope the we gave him when we dropped him off. I will send the house a check from my bank because they have a branch office down the road so Dylan can cash it. So if you want to send him anything including money or stuff, send it to me and I will send it to the house.
I don't want to forget about Emily. The real benefit of having her in a place where there are less than 20 kids in her entire grade is that when she starts to slip or get disengaged, she never falls through the cracks. We noticed, at the same time as the Nun that she has befriended noticed, that she was starting to slack on homework and effort, that she seemed down and that the pressures of everything were getting to her. She no doubt is effected heavily by what is happening with Dylan and the stress of that on her sometimes weighs heavy. We all recognized it and have worked to make sure she gets the attention and focus that she needs and deserves. I hope so much that she survives this ordeal but we need to stay focused on her always.
That's it for now.
